Can anyone plz grade me?i am very bad at writing essays and i am preparing for SAT?

Your essay isn't too bad but here are a few pointers I think might help strengthen your essay. First off I wouldn't open an essay using the word "I." A lot of the time in my AP composition essay we were taught to never use the word I when answering and essay question. Reason why is because people are NOT going to care who you are. Its nothing personal but it's true. Instead I would open with a basic but strong fact about capitalism and then tie it into your thesis. Your thesis as well should be strong and too the point. If your going to use a 5 paragraph format then your thesis should include all three of the points you are planing to make. That way the reader knows what to expect. I don't really see a strong thesis here, but it can easily be fixed. Your thesis is the most important part of your essay so its important that you make it clear and concise. As for the rest of your essay you make a few interesting points but there is no strong backing to those points. Backing is used to give you credibility, without credibility I was taught you have nothing. To help give credibility simply add a few examples to help go along with your points. Your conclusion also should be somewhat stronger. Instead of presenting new information in your final paragraph you should be tying up everything you've said. I cant write your essay for you but if you follow these basic writing skills I think your essay will improve.